Oh! the worry
by Ivory Hazlewood
Summary: "My tension does not even lessen in the slightest and the worries I can feel from the others is increasing the is all getting too much for me but I know they all worry as much as I do" A oneshot in which Jasper waits for Alice's news during the time she is in Voltera during New Moon. Not a twihard but for those who are.


JASPER POV

I just sat there, my hands covering my face for I just couldn't look anywhere. The grief had taken all over me and the only thing I could think about was her, Alice. My Alice… I blamed myself for in the end it was all my fault. I was the one who attacked Bella, I was the reason we left Forks, I was the reason Alice went alone to see Bella. Everything in the end pointed at me. I didn't even blame Rosalie for what she did, the only one to be blamed for this is me.

At first I thought Edward to be a fool, going to the Volturi just because Bella jumped off the cliff but now I understand, I understand more than any person sitting in this room for they don't know how it feels to have our mate die…. NO! I remind myself… She is not dead… My Alice is alive and will come back to me soon…

My tension does not even lessen in the slightest and the worries I can feel from the others is increasing the pain. It is all getting to mush for me but I know they all worry as much as I do… We are family. I raise my head moving my hands down to my lap as I one last time examine my Family for I know I would leave them, kill myself if my Alice wouldn't return to me. It's not like I don't love them ,no because I love them too much but it will be difficult, no impossible to live without Alice and I'd leave but I think not to the Volturi, I'd prefer some other way to die.

I see Charlsie holding a tearlessly sobbing Esme, both sitting on the stairs in front of me, I can feel emotions of pain and worry coming for them which makes me feel more horrible. My adoptive parents, suffering because of me. I shift my eyes to Emmet and Rosalie for their emotions are too much for me.

Rosalie sits on the chair on the dining table while Emmet sits on the adjacent chair enclosing both her hands in his. Just looking at their enclosed hands gives me a pang of jealousy for I want to hold Alice, keep her safe within my arms, tell her all was ok and that she'd never leave me, I'll always be there. As I look at both Emmet and Rosalie I feel different emotions from both of them. Emmet is more concerned and worried while Rosalie is filled with guilt and regret. Her feelings of regret burn my already burning heart for I start to feel the same. We both were responsible for this but no one less than me. She just wanted things to be the way they were. She wanted her brother back, the family back and just did that to bring Edward back home. I, on the other hand couldn't even control my own lust, attacked my brother's mate, I was the one who didn't think it was a good idea visiting Forks so I let Alice go alone. I was more to blame, much more to blame.

Emmet raises his eyes from where they were focused on his hands to me and our eyes met. We just keep looking not breaking eye contact and I try to send him calm feelings but I know I fail for I feel everything but calm right now and for me to send feelings I need to feel them myself. Emmet senses what I am trying to do and gives me a sad smile. I shift my eyes away from him and stare at nothing in particular. I try to remember her voice which doesn't take me much effort for that's the voice I love the most. _Jasper_ the way she'd say it made me feel like all my pain would shift away and I play that voice again and again in my head. I continue until I feel a strong muscular hand rest on my shoulder and I look up to see Emmet standing in front of me. When I don't say anything he just sits at the empty space on the sofa besides me.

"Jasper" he says and I sense his emotions to be of concern

"Hmm" I say for my voice has become hollow and any word I say right now would start the sobbing I had been controlling for so long. Tear-less sobbing, I can't cry.

"I know how you feel mate and I'm sorry for all this" he says and I know he really is but I just nod at him. "They will be all right, those cheating punks" he says in an attempt to lighten the mood but to no effect. I can still sense his worry and any mask of calm he wears can't work on me.

"I'll be here if you'd want to talk" he says and as he attempts to get up, I gather my voice together and call his name.

"Emmet" I say and he stops in an instant getting back on the couch listening intently "would you do a favour for me?" I ask

"Anything Jasper, we are brothers" he says

"If they don't make it, if she…" I can't make myself say that or even think that but I have to continue. He nods very lightly, a nod a normal human could never have seen but I as a matter of fact am not human. "You please… yo-you finish me too" I finish and as I say this his expression of understanding changes to that of revolt and he gets up from his place

"WHAT" he shouts and all heads turn in our direction "ARE YOU MAD?"

"Emmet listen, I-I can't live without her…. I-I just can't" I say shaking my head "and I wouldn't want to go to the Volturi because of all they have done and I-I trust you to give me a fast end"

"NO NO NO NO NO" he says moving his hands really really fast in front of his face and I feel emotions of fear coming from him "first nothing will happen to them and even if it does, you are staying here"

"Em" I say shaking my head slowly in a small voice "I wouldn't be.." I get cut of as someone suddenly embraces me tightly. My eyes close for 1/4th of a second but I open them in less than 1/10th second to find myself in a tight hug with Esme. I just look down at her and feel both hurt and miserable. I know she feels the same for she is the one sending these emotions to me. I hug her back and for a second it feels the best, Mother's love, something I was deprived of from a very young age. Esme has been a mother to me, to all of us but I never really felt that motherly vibe from until today. She tearlessly sobs holding me tight and I start sobbing. We stay like that and in the moment for little time.

When she releases me, I feel a lot better than I felt before but it changes in less than even a second for then she gives me a tight slap on my left cheek with all the energy she could muster and I look at her with a bewildered expression. "YOU IDIOT," she yells and for the first time in years I hear her shout like this "How dare you even think you could leave us?"

"Esm- mom I-I" I slutter "I just can't live without her"

"She'll be back" she says angrily and I feel she is saying it more to herself than to me "all of them will be back, won't they Charslie?" she says turning to Charslie who just gives a sly uncertain nod in return "Now Jasper, I won't permit you to even consider the thought, ok? Even if they…. You will be with us…Understand?"

I just nod in return going back to sitting on the sofa. This time Esme just sits by by side feeling worried. I contemplate what just happened and for the first time in my life I realize how much of a family they think of me. I always thought of myself being here only and only for Alice. I always knew somewhere they'd just keep me because of Alice and I'd be ok with that. But today as I sit here with my adoptive mother holding my hand and trying to be clam for my sake, I know I was wrong.

"You don't have to" I say looking at Esme's hand that holds mine "You know sit by me and control your feelings for my sake"

"I know" she says but never gets up and we just sit there waiting for news, waiting for knowing exactly what will be left of the family that we were, of the family that means everything to me now after Of-course Alice….

Alice Alice Alice her face, her golden eyes, her pixie hair, I can see everything clearly as I close my eyes. I look at her and only her for it is the reason for my survival. I don't even have the slimmest idea what I would have been if it wasn't for her. She gave me a life to live, she taught me a life that gave me happiness, she gave me a reason to live, and she gave me herself, more than I could have asked for.

I think about her, about the first time we met, about when she told me about a different way of living, about the time she gave me hope. Hope for a perfect forever with the piece I love… but now I feel my forever slipping away as I wait for her. The wait makes me realize how vulnerable even we, as immortals are and how there is never forever.

I am lost deep in my thoughts and would have loved to stay there but a certain sound brings me back to the reality. I look around for the source of the sound and find it coming from the front pocket of the pants I wear today. In less than a millisecond I take the cell phone out of my pocket and hastily pick it expecting against hope it was whom I wanted to talk to the most….

"Hello hello Jasper?" the voice days and it not even takes me a second to recognize who the voice belonged to "hello can you hear me" she says but I am too caught up in my mix of emotions

"Alice" I say it more like a whisper closing my eyes and feeling every word I say. The moment I say her name I feel everyone around me saying something but I don't hear them all I hear his her voice

"Yes Jasper, it's me" she says "we are safe, we saved Edward and Bella is safe and we are on the plane" she says quickly in a whisper

"how-how are you?" I can't stop myself to ask the question as I feel that couldn't be it, the volturi leaving them? Unharmed? And with a human with them….

"I'm fine, no more than just fine" she says "We will be at the airport in 8 hours"

"Oh we-we'll come to pick you" I say and just as I say this I see the faces of the others around me, they had all come close to me and were trying to hear the conversation. I see them and then turn the phone on speaker. While Alice tells them how she Edward and Bella escaped the Volturi, unharmed, all I can hear is the soft ness of her voice and I just can't wait for her to be back, for me to take her in my arms and never let go.

"Ma'am could you please switch off the phone" we hear a foreign voice from the other end.

"Yeah just one minute" Alice tells her

"No mam the flight is already flying and it's not allowed to have cell phones out of flight mode" the woman says and we hear Alice say her goodbyes before she hangs up the phone.

I give a sigh of relief as the call and I feel everyone around me relax considerably so I just send more comfort to them through my ability.

I know the wait is not much but 8 hours seem more than just 8 hours. They feel like 8 months or 8 years. I know I'll go to the airport very early, I know I will be hastily waiting for her pacing around here and there but I know in the end, I am certain she will be back and when she is, I won't leave her alone, ever again…


End file.
